i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
only if we run a train.
done.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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