perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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