I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
