This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
