i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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