shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
