Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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