I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
