Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
