mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
