garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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