Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
