ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
