"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's blow job season.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
