OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I understand Curling. That high.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize