At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
