Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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