The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
