I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize