When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
