Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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