I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
