Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
