Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
