gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
