I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
