I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
