I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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