You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
