I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What a dumb baby whore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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