Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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