when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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