Me. At least after what I've been through.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
