Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
