Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
