We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
