I'm drive I can fine osifer
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
