btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
