That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My cat gives me a boner
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
