It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
handjob tips. give me some.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
