so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
