They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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