remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
