Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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