even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
