my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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