she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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