The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
