did you get engaged???
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
