I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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