I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
