I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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