i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
