it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
