So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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