No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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