You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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