There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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