Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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