He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
