forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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