I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
