So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
