Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
are you so shy because you have an std?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
